“Some days your life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future.  But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other…and that’s okay.”  -Unknown

WOW, what a year 2016 was!  And to be honest, it is right in line with the rest of my life!  HA!  I have learned so much about myself, others around me and many that have exited my life in one way or another.  There has been great success, massive failure, pure joy, overwhelming pain and a lot of denial and acceptance.  I have been learning to come to terms with many things in my past, my present and to not be so concerned with the future.  I am practicing one day at a time which is a major challenge for me.  I tend to overthink everything!!  I have created more obstacles for myself from this habit than in any other way.  I have been in therapy to try and work through many of the poor practices and patterns that I developed early in life that have led me into somewhat of a breakdown for lack of other words and to be fully honest.  One of my mentors, Lori Harder, says this quote:  (I apologize, I may butcher it) If you’re living in the past, you’re depressed, if you’re living the future you’re anxious but if you’re living in the present, you’re at peace.  My goal is to be in the moment, day by day, hour by hour, down to minute by minute.  My goal is peace!

Before the breakdown, I felt it coming.  In hindsight there were a lot of signs, I just didn’t realize what the result was going to be.  My stress level was off the charts.  I decided to seek help through therapy.  When I first started therapy last year, I did not have the right connection with the therapist that I needed for effective treatment.  Maybe I just wasn’t ready, I’m not really sure.  After a couple of months seeing her, I felt we were making no headway and I stopped wasting my money.  A few months passed and after failing miserably at working through things for myself, I realized I was getting worse.  I went on a search for a new therapist.  God led me to somebody that has been incredible.  For the past few months I have been working with someone that has become my safe place; I really feel I can confide in her and I am finally having break through moments and realizations of what is going on in my head and body.  Acceptance of the reality that is and was, is key.  Learning that taking responsibility for your life, your actions and deciding that you truly want to get better is the first step on what I would consider a marathon, because it’s definitely not a quick sprint to the finish line!  Stop the pity party and accept things that have happened in the past and continue to happen in your life.  Recognize the patterns.  Take the steps to change those things you need to change in your life and watch the changes you put into action begin to make a difference.

Facing things that have happened over a lifetime can be a lot more difficult than it sounds.  If you don’t face these things, though, you end up where I have been, which is quite broken.  There were a lot of things that I didn’t even realize were as traumatic as they were, a lot I blocked out. Many daily occurrences were a lot more difficult for me to handle because I was in such a negative space.  I never realized what a wildly inappropriate life I had growing up, because while I was living it as a child, I didn’t know any different!  Even as a teenager, I could recognize that my house was different, but still didn’t realize HOW different and wrong things were.  It was rare growing up that friends were allowed to come to my house.  Obviously others realized that things weren’t “normal” in my house and parents didn’t want their kids exposed to whatever was taking place at my house.  I can’t say I blame them, when I look back on it as an adult with a daughter, I never would have allowed my daughter to go to a home with such strange things happening either.  I tell you this because this is where my feelings of isolation and inadequacy were planted.  The formative years are so difficult already; add instability at home and the feelings compound.  Confusing years become more difficult and you do the best you can, which for me, resulted in a shift to survival mode. I have lived in survival mode for the majority of my life.  I stuffed so many feelings down, didn’t DO anything about the feelings that I was having and even began blocking out some feelings all together. It became easier to have no feelings, show no emotion, other than anger.  I became a very angry teenager and a bit of a bully.  I know I hurt people that didn’t deserve to be hurt because sadly, it gave me power that I didn’t have at home.  If you were one of those people, I’m sorry.  I was tough (on the surface).  No vulnerability!!  That’s not healthy, which sounds obvious – but so many people do it anyway and eventually if you don’t deal with “it”, whatever “it” may be, you will break, like I said, and like I did.

Before you break, you’ll feel a myriad of emotions; hurt, anger, confusion. You’ll probably not be very good at relationships because you’ve guarded yourself so much.  You won’t really know what to do, where you belong or how to handle every day situations.  You will likely experience anxiety, depression and not even realize it until it’s too late.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me.  I was on edge every day at home and work.  The most simple of tasks became mountainous to me.  I no longer enjoyed what I was doing and I have always been very passionate about my job.  My mind was elsewhere and I didn’t know why.  My personal life was a wreck.  I was constantly biting off heads, not respecting people that are closest to me, being reckless and not respecting the life God gave me.  I felt like something was definitely wrong with me but I had no idea what or how to fix it.  I blamed it on the chronic pain I experiencing but there was a lot more to it that I didn’t realize.  I would bet that if we all stood back and looked, most of us have some of these feelings to some extent.  It’s how we deal with the feelings that will ultimately control the outcome.

I have made so many mistakes throughout my life.  Undoing mistakes is not possible as we all know.  There’s no time machine that will allow us to go back and re-do, no mulligans.  So all we can do is make amends where we can and change our behaviors.  It’s not as easy as it sounds and it’s not an overnight process!  You don’t just sit down in the chair and talk to yourself or a therapist once a week and bam – you’re all better.  It takes talking and listening, accepting what you hear and say, practicing what you’re told and ultimately like the quote I started with, put one foot in front of the other every day and take it one day at a time.  I can tell you the work is worth it. Stop living in the past and don’t worry about the future.  Today is what matters.  Who is in your life right now?  Who has been your support system recently or in the past?  Who has been there for you and who has hurt you?  Those that lift you up, let them.  Take their help, lean on them – they care.  They do it for a reason!  Don’t deny them the grace of showing you care and compassion.  It does something for them as well.  Those that hurt you, forgive them.  Forgive, but ultimately decide if they are people you would willingly accept back into your life and if you’d be able to salvage a healthy relationship.  If not, you forgive – then bless and release.  Leave them to God.  He will handle them and while you can pray for them every day, you cannot “fix” them!

Ultimately, you are in control of you and your responses to others.  Control what you can in your life.  Don’t stress about the past and don’t be anxious about the future. Live in the moment, live for today.  Thank God for the day he has given you.  Thank the Lord for the people and things he has blessed you with and be grateful.  Be mindful of how you treat others and while there is something to be said for the old saying, “treat others as you’d like to be treated”, I learned a long time ago, you can’t control or manipulate how people treat you with your behavior.  You can only control your reaction, not the overall outcome from their behaviors.  Remember, control what you can.  Do our Father proud, do yourself proud and make those around you feel appreciated and loved – no matter how they make you feel.  Love conquers all.  That, I can assure you, is true.  It doesn’t have to romantic love.  It can be parental love, cousins love, friends love, faithful love or lovers love.  But love is the most powerful emotion there is and can be used for good or bad.  Make sure you’re appreciating it and using it properly.  Give, love, trust and listen; but never, ever compromise YOU and your heart or beliefs.

As always, I am trying to build a following, please share and comment.  I want your feedback!  Is this helpful or just the ramblings of a mad woman??  I hope to see you come back and share with others!

I don’t have a fitting quote to begin today’s entry with as I usually do.  I think I can just say that she [Mom] did the best with what she had while she could.  Choices were made, lives were lived as such.  She was great, then she lost herself and ultimately pushed me out. Did she have regrets?  Did she really still love me or did she hate me the way it seemed?  I will never know, she’s gone.  I write this today to remember good times and deal with some of the bad.  I honor her today for wanting me, adopting me, giving me a home, loving me in the best way she could and keeping a roof over my head (most of the time).

Remember when you were little and you’d get sick and only mommy could make it better?  Well, I am sick as a dog this week and man do I wish I had my mom to take care of me!!  My early mom, that is.  I have a lot of laying around time and I am upright long enough to do some writing.  I essentially had three moms in one.  When I was little, my mom was great and today I write about that mom, and as she began morphing into the next stage – which was not so great.  As far back as I can remember, I was Mom’s little buddy and I was by her side all the time.  I remember standing on a chair for hours in the kitchen with her doing everything she did right by her side.  I did dishes with her, I helped her cook, she always let me cut out the biscuits, I would weed the garden right next to her.  She would dig the trench I would drop the seeds and cover them.  Harvesting was my favorite time!  She loved to play tricks on me with the corn…saying that if you watched close you could see the sprout pop out of the ground!  I waited and watched as she giggled and finally told me she was teasing me.  Those were the good days.

My parents were foster parents in Corpus Christi, TX when I was born in 1971 and after being in the hospital for 8 days with jaundice, I went home with them as one of several foster children in their home in addition to the 3 boys of their own.  Mom had recently miscarried and had been devastated by the miscarriage and wanted a little girl so badly.  She said that as soon as I came home with them, she knew she wanted to adopt me and felt like God sent me to her after her loss.  She didn’t know the gender of the lost baby, it was too early but she was sure it was a girl in her heart and I was meant to fill that void for her.  Back in that time in TX, the laws were such that if you wanted to adopt a foster, you had to give up your right to foster any more kids; so they traded their foster license to adopt me.  That always made me feel so special.  I was chosen!  Most of my life (with exception here and there) I looked at myself as being chosen, not given away.  As a small child I didn’t feel any different than the boys, I felt like part of the “family”.  It wasn’t until a little later that this changed, but I’ll get to that.

Mom was a good mom when I was little, as far as cooking dinner, keeping the house clean, regular housewife chores.  She was never one to get up and fix my hair for school, or walk me to the bus.  Only on the first day did she fix my hair, then she was back to sleep for the rest of he year.  Dad got me up and ready every day and I fixed my own hair and picked my own clothes.  But she was great when I was sick.  She would rub Vicks on my chest, give me a hot towel and stroke my hair.  That was my favorite.  To this day, I love to be held and have my hair stroked, especially if I’m upset or don’t feel good.  But as an adult, that’s rare, it’s a little weird.  Haha!  Sometimes my daughter does it for me which is sweet because I always did it for her.  I put her to sleep that way every night.  Her hair grew with a little bit of a cowlick and I think it’s because I rubbed her hair that way so much!  Anyway, I digress; back to the story!  She sang to me a lot and I thought she had the best voice!  I remember asking her why she wasn’t a singer on the radio because she had such a pretty voice.  In hindsight, it wasn’t that great, but she was Mom and I thought everything she did was great!  I would get to lay in her bed or on the couch when I was sick.  I would get to watch Captain Kangaroo which was my absolute favorite which I rarely got to watch because I was at school!  Also often, the antenna didn’t pick up the channel, but she would try real hard to place it right when I was sick.  That’s what a mama does…whatever it takes to make their baby feel better.

Outside of being sick, I have many other fond memories of Mom as a young child.  Snow days were especially fun.  We lived in Southern Missouri by this time, so we had a lot of snow and ice in the winter.  Dad would pull us on an old car hood behind the tractor which was so fun!  We had a sleigh he hooked up to the horses to pull us and a huge field we could ride in, it was a true winter wonderland on our farm!  Lots of sledding took place, we had a steep hill driveway, but a lot of rocks.  We had the Red Ryder sleds and would wax up the tracks good and fly down the hill!  Steering those was a trick…but a lot easier than the plastic toboggans!  We wore break sacks on our hands and feet to keep dry, mom didn’t want us getting frostbite, we would stay out for hours!  When we came in she made the best hot chocolate ever.  Nothing we had was ever from a can or jar…so it was not a mix, it was the real thing!  Homemade everything.  I guess that’s where I get my love for cooking and the challenges of homemaking everything.  It’s rewarding to see people enjoying my home cooking!  I didn’t appreciate it as a child because I didn’t know any different.  Now I know how much work, time and effort it took for her to feed our family.  These were the good days!  These were the fond memories I have of childhood.  To me, this is what being a mom is and that this is how it is as long as you and your child are alive, no matter their age.  Before I got sick this week, Ali was sick last week and even at 20 years old, I treated her like she was 5.  I waited on her hand and foot and got her anything she needed.  Once my baby, always my baby.  This was a concept that I wish my mom had known.  Unfortunately, this didn’t last.

I’ve written before that age 8 was the magic year, or age that life went to hell.  A lot of things had changed since our hot chocolate snow days.  My oldest brother had moved out by the time I was 4 (my brothers are all much older than I am) and married when I was 6.  My middle brother was my favorite, he is 12 years older than me.  I have so many amazing memories of him.  He took such good care of me and loved me so much.  He got me out of the house as much as he could because he knew I wasn’t treated right even when I didn’t know it myself.  I can remember him taking me on dates with him, which I’m sure his dates truly hated!!  Ha!  We were a package deal.  He wasn’t treated the way he should have been either and had also now moved out of the house and I missed him so terribly.  My third brother was awful; the one that produced the majority of the abuse I endured throughout my life at home.  He was sick, and not just mentally.  He had hid first open heart surgery as a toddler and had heart problems his entire life living with a pacemaker in prison today.  I don’t know all of the details of what was wrong with him, but he had a lot of issues which made him “special” because Mom considered him her miracle baby.  He always got special treatment and he got away with everything.  With this being my only companionship in the house now, I became very sad and lonely, and scared.  The abuse became much greater once Brian was gone.  Andrew knew that there was nobody there to protect me because Mom was oblivious and turned a blind eye and Dad was running the farm and farming the fields from dawn til dark.  I tried to spend as much time as I could in the fields or helping Dad in the garden or with the animals but often I was just in the way so I had to be at the house.  I was actually 7 during this particular year I am speaking of and when a lot of the trickery began from my brother.  That year I was hit in the ribs with a baseball bat resulting in a cracked rib and the wind knocked out of me and a head butt that resulted in a swollen black eye, bloody nose and a chip in the bone just under my eye socket which remains today.  It was such trauma to my body that I got incredibly sick and was out of school for two weeks but never once got a visit to the Dr.  Both were looked at as “accidents” and this was my first time knowing that I was not truly safe in my own home.  It became painfully aware that mom was going to choose Andrew over me no matter what he did, and Dad would follow along to keep the peace.

Over the years, the choosing of Andrew over me grew and grew and the abuse got more violent and unnatural.  Mom and Dad were fighting a lot and I know that often they would fight about us and who was on whose side.  Mom was a force to be reckoned with and Dad was very much a peace keeper.  This was the beginning of Mom’s mental instability, or at least when it became visible to me.  Dad would often have to hold her down because she would just go crazy.  She went to the doctor and I remember Dad forcing her to take her “pill” and she would calm down and go to sleep.  When she would wake up she would act like nothing happened and everything would go back to “normal” for the time being.  But I was scared.  I never knew when she was going to go off and when she was going to love me.  I stayed in my bedroom a lot and played with the animals on the farm a lot.  Everything went downhill from here.

My 8th birthday, I spent with my Aunt Francis and Uncle Paul in Blue Springs, MO and I have no idea where my parents were.  I remember that my cousin Bobby made me a cake and they had a little party for me because I was missing my parents.  They weren’t perfect, but they were my family and I loved and missed them on my birthday.  They were all I knew.  We had moved into Blue Springs and off the farm at this point.  These were the final days of any “normalcy” in my home life.  My parents showed their love for their boys during this time and I was along for the ride.  Andrew became very sick for a while so he was bed ridden with in home care and a tutor so Mom was with him round the clock.  After he got better, the next crisis was Brian’s and it was a doozy.  I will save that for another day because it leads into another chapter of our life completely.

As parents, we do the best we can with what we have at the time and our capacity is only so much.  Some are better equipped to deal than others.  My mom was mentally ill, my dad was lost I think.  I’m not sure I understand it yet and I never truly will since they’re both gone.  I can’t ask them questions.  I can only work through the details in my head and draw the best conclusions possible from what I know.  I know they loved me, especially Dad.  Mom, I believe she was jealous of me and my independence (as if I had a choice).  Most of all, I believe she was jealous of my relationship with Dad.  She chose Andrew time and time again and turned her head when he abused me so I didn’t want to spend time with her, I wanted to be with Dad because at least he attempted to protect me!  So I would be in the garage with Dad while he worked on the car or help him with yard work or just run errands with him.  Mom really started showing hatred toward me at this point.  The little things that a mom does for her girl were no longer of interest to her.  She became completely belligerent and angrily jealous of Dad ALL the time.  She accused him of so many crazy things and accused me of covering for him when we went somewhere.  It was pure insanity.  She had lost her parental feelings for me at this point, I feel.  She never lost it for the boys, but I was an outcast even though I was a young child and did nothing wrong, ever.  I developed a nervous stomach condition which by age 8 I was in near constant pain from.  Finally at 15 I was able to see a doctor and get medication for it.

Each of her children were very different, we all had our own personalities and desires.  As the picture at the top states, each situation is unique.  Mom had her own challenges and different skills and abilities or DISabilities as the case my be.  She wasn’t perfect and sometimes she was down right awful.  I have often wondered since she died if she really still loved me or not.  We hadn’t spoken in years and I will tell you friends, that is a hard thing to swallow.  I’d like to think that through all the abuse, blind eyes, hurtful words and just plain not being there for me, that she did still love me.  Maybe I just want to believe that but I do.  Maybe it’s what I need to get through the days.  As a mother, I cannot imagine ever falling out of love with my daughter.  Alex is the best thing that ever happened to me and while some days I want to strangle her, (hehe) no matter how old she is, you’ll find me at her bed side if she’s sick or right by her side any time she needs me.  I will love her more than anyone or anything for LIFE.  How could you not?  Food for thought…anyone else have parents that passed while you were estranged?  I would love to hear anyone else’s perspective.

As always, thank you for reading, please share my site!  I appreciate your following me and reading my story.  There is a lot to it and my life has not been a fairy tale by any means.  While it saddens me, it has made me who I am and I am stronger for it in the end.  In spite of everything, I love and miss you Mom.

“It doesn’t matter what you did or where you were…it matters where you are and what you’re doing. Get out there! Sing the song in your heart and NEVER let anyone shut you up!” – Steve Maraboli

Ahhh, the peace that follows the holiday season is upon us.  The beginning of a new year, one that I think will be my best in some time!  I’ve had a lot of ups and downs the past few months (well, actually years) and continue to make headway in my life.  I have figured a lot of things out, set some tremendous goals for myself and have nothing but happy intentions this year!  I love the saying that “this is blank page 1 of a 365 page book, write a good one.”

Let’s go back to the beginning, the reason that I started this blog to begin with and the name. Finding out why. A lot of things have happened since I started writing this blog and I’ve had multiple losses and blows, yet a lot of breakthroughs as well. Sometimes I am sure you wonder where I am going with all of this and I seem to bounce all over the place! Well, lately I have been very down as you can read in the sparse posts that I have put out as of late. What I realized today is that I am really not serving anyone the way I originally intended with some of my posts. It’s been more of an outlet, if you will.  I have tried to always end what is not necessarily a pleasant message with some sort of positive, lesson or hope.  What else I have realized is that sometimes life just stinks and it is up to us how we handle it.  Do we handle it ourselves or give it up to God to handle for us?  I know that I, personally, like to say I have great faith in God but when it comes time for those big life choices or decisions, I make my own way instead of praying on it and listening to what he has to say.  This is because I usually know that I won’t like his answer and I want to create my own way, not follow his!  Earthly desires are in us, he knows that and he forgives us for that.  I have really been trying recently to change that and pray on things and pray differently.  I pray for others in a given situation, not necessarily for the outcome that I want.  Figuring out our lives is not an easy thing!  Knowing our purpose here on this earth is a mystery for the majority of people I would say.  I know my purpose and always really have, I just didn’t realize I already knew it!  Many of you are probably the same way.  I went inward for the past few months to find out what’s going on in my body, mind and soul.  Focusing on rehabbing my body has been so beneficial, time away from work has been amazing for my mind with all of the stresses that I had and a lot of books I’ve read and praying time and being in touch with other Christian/faith based friends has developed my soul in ways I forgot were possible.  It’s been amazing to begin refilling myself.

I was raised in church in a very strong Christian household.  Very strict parents, church 3 times a week plus Sunday school and choir.  It was not an option for me to “not” go, it was mandatory.  In the summer, I always went to vacation bible school when I was young and then away to church camp for 2 weeks as I got older.  By age 11 or 12 I was beginning to truly understand and open up to what I was hearing, and ultimately asked Jesus into my heart and began my walk with him.  While none of us are perfect and never will be, having Him has kept me grounded and has always been my home base when I’m struggling through hard times.  I always know that Jesus is there and will hold me when I need it, pat my back when I’ve done something he’s proud of and I know I’ll answer for my sins when we meet in heaven.  So to say he knows every hair on our heads, our every move and thought, is sometimes a scary thing!  It certainly makes you want to be a better person knowing he is watching.  God is the ultimate Father, have you always wanted to make your parents proud?  It can be overwhelming sometimes to look at it that way because we are human and we are sinners.  I am learning to take my days one at a time and do the best I can with that day.  I start my day with a devotional, gratitudes and a short prayer to bless my day and those I love.  This is helping me to become more grounded and realize what life is about and more about my purpose here on earth.  It’s helped guide me to many places I otherwise wouldn’t have made it to and helped me to guide others to places they may not have made it to.  I’m proud of that.

I said I know what my purpose is, but we never fully know anything.  It’s His plan that we have to follow, but I believe his plan for me is to lead other people to Him and their happiness through our community of health and wellness as well as the ministries I have been working with.  Having this time off work has been such a blessing I cannot even explain.  I had originally hoped that I would be able to stay out of corporate America and retire to my health and wellness business alone, but that’s not His plan for me yet.  I have prayed about it a lot and I believe that there is still a lot He has in store for me and my journey is far from over.  I am close to being released to work again I believe and I can’t wait to do so.  As much as I don’t like the idea of going back into corporate America, this is where I am being led and it is what I will do for a couple more years.  The awesome thing is that I can see it all very clearly right now!  It may change as I go, in fact I’m sure things will change as I go along, but for now I have the direction and the heart to go on and that’s what I was lacking for so long.  I am not ashamed of the state of mental being I have been in, although it has not been good and is a bit embarrassing, we all go through our trials and tribulations and I hope that we all make it out the other side with His help.  Nobody can do this successfully on their own.  Don’t be afraid to seek help.  Don’t be afraid to pray, there is no specific way to do it, just talk to Him.  He, once again, has saved me.

I have a very long road ahead of me because I have uncovered a lot of toxic things in my heart and life that I didn’t know existed.  I am currently working through those things one by one.  You know my only remaining family member from my adopted family cut me out of his life and I am fighting for him.  I am attempting to visit him in the next month and understand and repair whatever the damage is.  I can’t say I fully understand it right now and that’s ok, I don’t have to.  Something hurt him and I need to correct it and let him know how much I love him.  I hope he will respond to me.  I also realized that I have a lot of anger inside toward ALL of my parents, adoptive and biological.  I only have one of those people that I can actually speak to and clear the anger and hurt, and that is my biological mother, Linda.  I have gotten so far as to tell her I need to talk and clear some things up, but no details and we don’t have the talk scheduled.  Luckily, my therapist has really helped me with how to handle some of these situations so that they won’t be confrontational, but loving and productive so we can move on with no hurt feelings on any part.  (I hope!)

When you feel unwanted, unloved, and unworthy most of your life, it creates a resentment deep in your soul that you don’t really even know is there.  I always thought I was “fine”.  Little to no residual from being given up or from a difficult childhood.  Boy, was I wrong!!  I have harbored feelings and kept them buried for so many years that when they all came pouring out, it hasn’t stopped.  There has been so much to deal with.  So many feelings I denied for so many years.  I am just starting to realize the damage done by being given up for adoption, being treated poorly by my adoptive mom, being abused two of my brothers and leaving home so young and fending for myself before I was truly an adult.  I have done things and been through things that seem more like a Lifetime movie than a child’s actual life, and most people have no idea.  Just a sampling that I will write about in time to come…kidnapping my infant nephew; packing up overnight and running from the law; my brother going to jail; driving cross country living in a van; three schools my 4th grade year while on the run; living in the National Forest in a camper hiding from the law and bathing in the river; my parents being arrested right in front of me when coming out of Woolworth’s after having a root beer float; listening to my Uncle tell me my parents didn’t live in the “real world”; living between two brothers to avoid abuse at home; my parents journey as jail ministers; my parents turning our house into a half-way house for criminals and addicts; and ultimately leaving home two days after graduation just to get away.  Does this sound like a real life to you or some crazy story written for the Lifetime channel??  I would never believe most of the stories had I not lived them.  Sadly, I didn’t know just how crazy it all was at the time because I just didn’t know any better.  I rarely got invited to birthday parties or sleep overs; we weren’t in one place long enough to make friends, and even when we were, everyone knew we were “weird” so I was often an outcast.  This creates a pretty tough exterior and it certainly makes it hard to accept that somebody actually loves me.  From that, I have made it very hard for people to love me and I know that now.  And wow, do I appreciate the people that love me!!  I have so many great people in my life and such an amazing support system who without, I would not have been able to make the progress I have made.  As I said, I am nowhere near there yet, but I am on the right road and really excited about 2017!  I think this is going to be the best year I have had in a very long time!  I hope that this has got all of you thinking about what your purpose is and what you might be lacking or needing improvement on in your life.  Find out WHY!!  I would love for you to share some of your “why’s” with me in the comments!  Do you know your purpose?  What is it?  What do you want it to be?

I think my cold medicine is wearing off, so it’s time to lay back down…but soon I’ll be telling some of these stories I mentioned, and while I know it will upset some particular people if they read it, that’s too bad.  It’s my story and I will tell it!  Much love to you all!  Until next time…