I wrote this the day after letting Ollie go but couldn’t share it. It was too painful and I wasn’t ready.  It’s been nearly 2 mos now and I am just starting to get thru the loss.  I stepped over him laying in the doorway to my bathroom every night for years and it’s been so weird that he isn’t there and I didn’t need to step up…but I still did for a while.  Kai is also finding her way without him.  She’s finding her silliness and playing again, it’s just a little different.  We’ll never get over him, and we will love him forever.  I share this now, to honor the most special dog I’ve ever known.    

Dogs are such an amazing gift.  Truly.  Anybody who actually knows me, knows how much I love each of my animals.  Pets enrich our lives so much!  Ollie, aka: Baba, Booie, Mister, Sugar Bear, Sugie, Sugs.  Nicknames are King around my house!  Today, we all sit in a very somber quiet space together as we grieve our sweet boy and think about him catching up with his first kitty, MaeMae and his bestie…Cash Berndt.  I just know he was greeted, as he crossed the bridge, by our dogs before him…Tonka and Molly.  Their tails are wagging and they’re all running and playing with no pain, sharing stories of their naughty adventures!  Not my sweet Ollie…he was never a bad dog, ever.  He was my soul doggo and it hurts beyond measure, but I am so thankful we were able to give him the best, most loving life which he deserved.  He brought more pleasure, comfort and love into our home the past 11 years and he has no idea how much he helped me thru hard times.  Or maybe he does…he was an incredibly special boy who understood everything.  Special just isn’t even a strong enough word…I don’t know how to express it to somebody who doesn’t know me and those who do know what I mean.  Some call me “extra” about my pets, but I am not sorry for giving them the life they deserve!  Anyone doing less should re-evaluate why you have a pet!  Honor the privilege!

My sweet Ollie:  Thank you for being such an amazing companion.  You made me feel safe and protected, always sounding the alarm because somebody is out for a walk too close to our house!  Thank you for training your sweet baby sister on the rules of the house…sit to get leashed up; lay down outside the kitchen while I prepare dinner; BARK if somebody is at the door; and protect Mama from evil delivery drivers.  Thank you for staying by my side when I was hurting…you ALWAYS knew.  Thank you for being such a great brother to Kai!  You two were so cute together!  She stole every single thing that you ever had and you were such a good boy, you let her have it.  It was a human-like thing…bratty little sister and sweet big brother taking care of her…probably some of my fondest memories.  I did the best I could for you, my boy.  I promised you I wouldn’t let you go on with a declining quality of life and increase of pain and yesterday, you told me you were done.  No matter how it hurts, you were hurting worse and I set you free to get your puppy wings.  I love you more than I ever thought possible, Ollie.  Thank you for being my good boy. 

I know a lot of people aren’t aware of what actually happened, so…the short version is this:  Ollie’s behavior changed drastically early summer along with significant weight loss, so we went to the vet.  A couple more visits, bloodwork and scans showed he had cancer in his right leg.  At his age, I was not going to put him thru treatment but to comfort him and make his last days with us the BEST.  I asked for follow up scans to see if it was progressing and it was.  The cancer in his leg grew and spread to his lungs.  Having this understanding confirmed I was making the right decision for him.  No matter how prepared you think you are, you aren’t…at least for me anyway.

Thank you to all who have reached out and posted.  Your kindness is most appreciated.  I am just taking time to myself right now to process his loss.