This afternoon when I logged into an online program that I do every single day, this quote was there and completely changed the topic on which I had intended to write!  Read these words and think for a moment before you read further.

“Develop an attitude of Gratitude and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.”  -Brian Tracy

WOW, just wow!  Does this make anybody else sit up and take note?  It certainly did me.  I had a couple of meetings today where I was casually discussing things that are happening in my life right now and stresses/circumstances that have caused me a lot of issue and where I am headed now.  Life is not meant to be full of worry and stress, yet few of us truly trust in the Lord enough to live a stress-free life.  We can try, but we aren’t always successful, no matter how much we believe and trust in our loving God.  It’s unfortunately human nature and all we can do is practice and keep trying because we will never be perfect!

As I began really thinking about this, I realized that for the past few years, I have been failing miserably at “life”.  Sure, there have been a lot of successes and accomplishments; a lot of really great experiences to be proud of, but overall I have not done life justice.  God graced us with this incredible heart, body and mind that are each capable of amazing things, IF you allow them.  We live in a big world full of adventure and beautiful things to see and do.  Again, IF you make it happen.  Living is not just breathe going into your body and blood pumping through your veins; living is a privilege and we should honor God and thank him daily by doing the things that he intended for us.  Feel the sunshine on your face, the grass in your toes.  We should be living and loving with this heart, exercising and helping others with the body and using our minds to dream as big as the world and as far as the eye can see with ways to show how grateful we are to him.  Sounds like common sense, easy – right?  Well, I am the first to admit that it is not that simple!  Instead, I tend to worry about things, I get grouchy and I don’t live, love or appreciate the way I should.  I don’t allow Him to work in my life without resistance.  Too many unhealthy and unwelcome thoughts and experiences are in my life!  I have vowed to change this…with all my heart and soul – I am bettering myself and leaving behind many old ways.  If you’re not good for me, you will not be allowed to take up real estate in my head!  If you’re not good TO me, you will not be allowed in my life, period.

I think that many of us don’t come from a place of gratitude, too often.  Instead of being grateful for the job I have, I let it stress me out beyond measure and wreak havoc in my mind and life.  Instead of being grateful for that paycheck, I complained that it isn’t market value.  Instead of being grateful for the relationship I had, I complained because it wasn’t exactly the way I wanted it.  I didn’t get enough time, I wasn’t valued the way I valued him.  When in reality, in every single one of those situations, I should have been grateful.  If you can take a moment to look at things differently and just be in gratitude, your view is so different and hopeful.  I could have taken a different stance and maybe all of these areas in my life would have turned out differently and I wouldn’t be single again, but then again maybe not.  Sometimes God’s plan is just that – his plan and not for us to question.  The only thing that I know for sure, is that it is not too late and I can make the changes I want to see in my life, beginning now.

Making changes in your life is not easy.  Ending a long term relationship (no matter how rocky it’s been) is not easy.  Believing that you’re doing the right thing, is not easy.  Life – is not easy.  But that is part of the beauty, and where we really learn.  This will help slowly build my confidence back to where it belongs.  I have learned some valuable lessons and while many of them hurt like hell, I will persevere and come out on top.  I will find the joy and happiness again that God has been saving for me.  I believe that he is waiting for me to get my act together, trust him and allow him to lead this dance, not me.  I wanted certain things so badly for myself that I couldn’t see how wrong it really was for me.  I’ve done this a lot throughout my life.  I’ve repeated this pattern over and over again.  If you caught my FB Live last night then you know – I’ve realized the patterns I keep repeating and they aren’t good ones!

I am a very caring person, although I often hide it because I don’t want to be vulnerable.  Being vulnerable in my house was never a good thing.  I always root for the underdog because I was the underdog growing up.  I have known most of my life that I have to do for myself because nobody is going to do it for me.  I grew up believing that I needed to be the best little girl I could be because I didn’t want them to send me away.  I already felt like something was wrong with me or my mother wouldn’t have given me away, so I had to be extra good to get to stay with my new family.  I had nightmares as a child, I remember back to age 3, waking up crying and being so scared I wasn’t pleasing these people that were my family.  I don’t even know how to explain to you the fear and pressure and uncertainty I felt as a child!  I became more of an adult by age 8 than a lot of people I know today.  I don’t tell you this to make you feel sorry for me, I am an amazingly well adjusted and “normal” person today, and especially for the life I’ve lived!  I tell you this so you’ll possibly understand the misconceptions you may have about yourself and to help you understand that you are good enough, just the way you are.  God knows every hair on your head and all of your imperfections – he created you this way.  You are exactly as he wanted you and so am I.  Here’s to growing together and conquering our fears and issues.  I am grateful for the platform from which I am able to share my life with you and that you are out there, supporting me and loving me.  Thank you all!  I promise you that bigger, better things are coming than are in my current situation, which isn’t too bad at all!  I have much to be grateful for.  Until next time!  Have an attitude of gratitude and see where it takes you!  God Bless.