“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” -Flora Whittemore
Choices…we are faced with so many day in and day out, it sometimes feel like trial and error. How are you supposed to always know what’s right and what’s wrong? Well, inherently, we usually do. When you aware what the right choice to make is, yet you make the wrong choice, that is one of the hardest to come back from. Today I find myself in this situation.
Are you aware of the impact your choices are making on your life and in the lives of those around you every day? Are they truly representative of who you are? Many of the choices we make day in and day out often get the least amount of thought, but are some of the most important things we do! We just go through the motions every day and don’t think how our actions are affecting those around us which is a huge reflection on us. And often not a true reflection! We can make or break somebody’s day with one sentence. We can let our anger, frustrations or our own hurt control our actions and hurt somebody else in the worst way. Is that something you’d want to be known for? We are human, theses things will happen from time to time. But this should not be something you take lightly and brush off. I’m not. I have accepted what I said because I cannot change it, I have apologized for the hurt and confusion it caused simply because I was angry and feeling insecure about something. Not a good lesson friends. Not a proud moment. But I am going to talk with you about how I will overcome this and not stay in this negative moment!
I told you this blog would not always be easy to read, so to imagine how I feel today, writing it. I also asked that you not judge me. All of those requests apply today. I am human and I am sorry. I have been physically fighting a stress migraine all day today from muscle spasms due to the tension. I am so displeased and disappointed in myself it has physically made me ill! Try those words on for size! They don’t fit very well. I have always had a bit of an issue with containing what I say, and being very outspoken, but I never mean to hurt anyone. I will say that with maturity and learning God’s love and grace, these instances have become very few and far between.
The point of today’s blog: Overcoming poor decision making.
- First, take full responsibility for your choices and actions. Do not pretend it didn’t happen and it will all blow over because it won’t. It will always be inside of you until you understand and forgive yourself.
- Second, understand why you made the decision you made. Do not make excuses, but understand WHY you made the choice you made. Somebody may have hurt you, multiple times, or done things to push your buttons, make you look like a fool, etc; but that does not give YOU the right to belittle them or make them feel poorly in any way. Understanding why you did what you did can help you make the right decision if ever faced with the situation again.
- Third, apologize and explain to the person(s) you’ve hurt or that were affected by your decision. Again, this is not to make excuses, but to hopefully explain what you realized in #2 and help you all understand it won’t happen again and move forward.
- Fourth, focus on the now. The poor decision and the repercussions have already happened. Be present in your life, look at the positive you are doing because dwelling on the past will not do anybody any good.
- Fifth and finally, be proactive in your understanding and take action to be sure you do not repeat this behavior. Review the words in your head before they come out of your mouth! Read and re-read a message before you send it. How would receiving the words you’re about to deliver make you feel? If it is anything other than good or positive, you should probably re-think that you are saying.
Have the brains to know what is right and what is wrong. Have the confidence to know when something is about you and when it’s not. Have the humility to say when you are wrong, apologize and attempt to make amends, even if it is not well or at all received. That is part of your action – you have to live with the consequences. Don’t make the same mistake I did where you put your own ego first. Always look at people with love and respect, in ANY situation and you will never be in THIS situation.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will focus on these 5 steps. (1-3 have already been done.) Tomorrow I will be positive and live in the present and work on being proactive for prevention. I will be aware of, but not dwell on, the past and I will overcome this situation with grace and a valuable lesson learned. Thank you for coming back again, have a blessed and happy Friday night.
Jen Hawkins 
Thank you for writing this blog. I know I am in a difficult situation with my mother-in-law and cannot get past it. She has been such a piece of work, and in January she called me some very bad names and then it took her three or four months to apologize. But I still cannot get past how she talked to me, and it has hurt me so deeply. All I ever wanted was for her and I to get along when she moved in with us, but the situation has deteriorated so badly. I do not want to be like this, not talking to her other than good morning or a few other comments.
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I’m sorry that you have such a hard time there Darlene! It isn’t easy for people to admit when they’re wrong and it isn’t easy for people to forgive when the are wronged! Pray on it, ask God to give you the grace to accept the apology. If you don’t, it will eat you alive. AND, it can cause you to feel poorly because you aren’t treating her with the kindness and love that you want to. I’ve been on both sides of this unfortunately, I speak from experience. Take control of what you can control, let go of what you cannot.
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Thank you so much. I try every day. I know I need to let go because she’s 92 years old and isn’t going to change. When we were in Kenosha for almost two weeks, she sat around almost every day in her pajamas or house coat and didn’t want to get dressed or go anywhere. She sits in her room with the door closed, which drives me up the wall. She doesn’t put her hearing aids in and then says she can’t hear anything I say. She doesn’t want me to do anything for her; she will only let my husband help her. Just so many things. I would like her to have a better quality of life, but she acts like she has one foot in the grave, and I know she is capable of so much more. My problem is I do not say anything to her (other than good morning if she is out of her room before noon) because I wouldn’t want to say anything mean, so I say nothing at all. I am so tired of all the games. Like how is it that she can hear the TV and other people just fine, but she can’t hear anything I say? When we are eating dinner and I’m trying to have more conversation with her, she won’t say anything at the dinner table until I leave to start doing the dishes, and then she starts talking to my husband. I will try my best to have a better day today because I know it is affecting my health.
Thanks for listening.
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I will pray for you and for her. Only God can give the grace that is needed in a situation like this. Hang tough friend. God’s got your back.
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Thank you. Today she never came out of her room until it was time to eat dinner. My husband heard her mumbling in her room that she didn’t want to be here. But after that I guess she was cleaning or organizing her room and she got dressed and came to dinner.
Thank you so much for your prayers. Every day is such a challenge for me. I tell my husband that she does not have a good quality of life just sitting in her room all day, and he leaves it up to her whether or not she takes her medications. I have tried to offer suggestions, but my hands are tied.
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